{April 1-7 2018} It had been an amazing week, I celebrated Easter with my Family then boarded a flight to Alaska! I got to spend a relaxing week with one of my best friends, saw old friends, ate at my favorite places, did everything I loved in a place that forever has a piece of my heart. It was just the week I needed, I left feeling recharged and refreshed. On Saturday I boarded a flight from Anchorage to Phoenix. I enjoyed the views from above and the last few hours of quiet before returning to reality. I was so comfortable on this 5.5 hour flight I only got up and moved around once, toward the end. Landed in Phoenix, navigated that nightmare of an airport (seriously Alaska Airlines to Southwest gates could not be further apart). After re-entering security, a gate change and slight delay I finally boarded my flight from Phoenix to Houston). By this point the lack of proper meals, stress and emotions had caught up with me. A migrane had fully set in. I chugged a water bottle and took my migrane medicine in hopes I could just rest on this next leg. I was pleasantly surprised to see Jason had gotten me a seat in first class, perfect this would be nice and quiet. Wrong! Just as I got settled in my seat and laid my head against the window I was startled by laughing and squeling. I look up to see Arie and Lauren. Yep, that Arie and Lauren from last seasons Bachelor settling in behind me. I was still mad at him for how it all played out with Becca so I'm probably being a little harsher than I should but oh my gosh their kissing and cuddling were so annoying! Two and a half hours later I landed in Houston beyond happy to be greeted by my daddy!

{April 8} Woke up to two girls very happy to see their momma was back. Packed up the car after lunch and headed back home to Louisiana. Girls and I shared stories, they napped, I continued to enjoy this peaceful feeling I was coming back with. We arrived home late afternoon, handed out gifts and bombarded Jason with stories from the week. We were all so happy to be back together! I had no idea that within hours everything would change.

{April 8, 11:15 pm} Felt fine overall, just tired so headed to bed. Turned on Friends as I always do, took my medicine and fell into the comfort of my own bed.

{April 8, 11:45 pm} An unusual feeling came over entire body, almost a sudden relaxation. I felt off. Checked my heart rate, it was in the upper 50s. Very low for me. For some reason I didn't just put my head down and try to sleep instead I slowly walked over to the bedroom door. I felt lightheaded and dizzy from the few steps. I opened it up, holding onto the frame, quietly told Jason who was working in the living room, I didn't feel well. I said I don't know what it is but my body doesn't feel right. He set his computer down and by the time he walked the ten steps to me I was falling. He caught my head before it hit the ground. I remember him over me, touching my face asking if I could hear him. He picked me up and sat me on the edge of the bed. I kept saying my left side hurts, it just hurts. At this point I was holding my arm and crying. It was just a few minutes of this when he made the decision we had to get to the hospital. I stayed where I was as he woke girls up and loaded them in the truck. Next was me, this wasn't as easy. I leaned heavily on him, it was hard to walk. He lifted me up, got me buckled but I could not sit up straight, I was lying on the console. As he backed out through the tears I tried to tell the girls how sorry I was for having to wake them up. I remember it being hard to say. Jason safely but quickly drove and as we turned on the main road we were faced with two hospitals. I pointed to the one on my right, it was a block closer and the one I pass everyday to work.

{April 9, 12:25 am} We pulled up to the emergency entrance within 7 minutes of leaving the house. By this time I could not walk at all, Jason carried me in. The receptionist jumped right up and came at us with a wheelchair. There was no stopping and waiting, straight back I went and immediately had a team of nurses and doctors surrounding me. At this time I could not move my left arm, left leg and speech was fading quickly.

{April 9, 1:00 am} I'm whisked away for Chest X-Ray, CT Head and CT Angiogram of Neck and Head.

{April 9, 1:45 am} I was back from scans, Jason was on my right side and doctor was on my left. They were softly talking to each other, I looked up at Jason's face and instantly knew what was happening. He reached down for my right hand but wouldn't say anything. I zoned out, thinking is this really happening to me? It felt like a scene in a movie, you know the one where you're on the outside watching it all happen unable to say or do anything. I zoned back just in time to hear the options well option really. Doctor said given my age, health and time frame (there is a 3 hour window to receive this from onset of symptoms) I was an excellent candidate for the TPA (clot buster) medicine. Then came the reality check, the listing of potential side effects. There was no guarantee it would work, it could either help me or make it worse. Jason read through it all, signed his consent.

{April 9, 2:00 am} Jason brought the girls in the room for a few minutes before it began. Each one came over to my good side, said what they wanted, kissed my cheek and turned to leave. They got to the door, both turned back to look at me.  With red puffy eyes and tear stained faces said "Bye mom, I love you" -Jayme  "I love you mommy" -Carly. I opened my mouth to say I love you too, nothing. Nothing came out, my speech was completly gone. My heart had just been ripped out of my chest. I have never experienced such a feeling. Tears started flowing down my face. Even as I type this my eyes still fill with tears, it is a feeling I hope I never have again. At that moment my prayer changed. I said Lord, I don't care if I don't ever walk again, if I can't work anymore, if I can't go back to my normal life but I have to be able to tell my babies I love them. Please give me my speech back.

{April 9, 2:16 am} Treatment begins. Doctor begins with initial injection then infustion over course of next hour. I could not move for the hour, my amazing nurse Gretchen had to remain by my side entire time. Neurological checks were done every 10 minutes (I was really tired of them by this point). Within 15 minutes my fingers moved a little. Everyone breathed a little sigh of relief.

{April 9, 3:16 am} TPA is all in my body. Face has returned to normal, no more drooping. Fingers are moving, elbow moving, numbness in leg is gone but can not lift it up. At this point I was showing signs of mild improvement of weakness and declared stable!

{April 9, 4:45 am} Wheeled up to ICU where I would spend the next two days. Those 48 hours were a rollar coaster of emotions. Relief that it was caught in time and the TPA stopped it from getting worse. Happiness seeing my parents walk through the door at 5:30 am. Loved as my friends came by to hold my hand, brush my hair, sit with me in silence as I rested. Frustration as each member of the stroke team came in and the realization of what I had lost was evident. Thankfulness that I was still alive and some feeling had come back. I was all over the board.

{April 10} Follow up MRIs and CTs confirmed I had a stroke in my right temporal lobe. Various other scans/tests were run to begin trying to find cause. Passed swallow test, cleared for regular food and during physical therapy I was able to stand with a walker.

{April 11} This day was just the boost I needed, I walked a few steps with the walker and got moved to a regular room which meant I was reunited with my girls! Having them back in my arms, able to kiss them and tell them how much I loved them was EVERYTHING! They crawled up in my bed, did homework and ate snacks with me. It was perfect.

{April 12} Made bail as my dad says :) With my discharge papers in hand and my rehab plan set I was heading home.

{April 17-Now} Going home was when the real work began, I had no idea what was in store for me. The one thing I wish I would have been told leaving the hospital is that there is no timeline for recovery. In my mind I was going to be back at work in a few weeks. Boy was I wrong! Physical therapy twice a week began, I was faced with the realization of just how much the stroke had affected. Physically I was weaker than ever, still had numbness, stiffness and loss of sensation. My stamina, energy level and endurance have all taken hits. I've worked very hard to build up to more awake hours than sleeping hours. (I've always been a fan of naps and man did I get them when I came home from the hospital!) I'm still not where I was, I only have a few good hours in a day. By 2 pm I'm done and ready for a nap. Cognitive differences were very apparent. Doing things that used to be easy were hard, some still are. I couldn't walk to the end of my driveway, it has taken 4 months but I'm now up to 25 minutes of walking. Short term memory loss and communicating is at times still challenging. I can't always get out the words I want to. These are more evident later in the day when I'm really tired. My brain doesn't process as quickly as it used to and I easily get overstimulated. Naturally with any traumatic experience comes the emotional effects. You name it, I've felt it. Sadness, anxiety, fear, frustration, uncontrollable crying. I've also experienced gratefulness and peace.

Everyday is different, some easier than others. I have been blessed with my close friends near and far who on a daily basis still continue to pick me up, the understanding and support from our church family, therapist who push me and celebrate every step of progress, parents who drop everything at a moments notice to come over and help keep life going, the local stroke survivors support group, two beautiful girls who are embracing mommas new needs and a husband who was faced with the reality of how quickly he could have been a single parent now never taking a day together for granted. Through it all my faith has never waivered. I haven't questioned God or gotten mad at him for this happening. Even as I laid there on my back, unable to move and speak I felt Him with me. I trust that something for His good will come out of this someday. Life after a stroke truly is a spiritual, physical and emotional journey. My journey continues and you can believe I will come back strong!